It has been a long time since I felt inspired to write.Today was a strange day to say the least. I have never felt so restless all my life. I suppose I am attempting to relieve the same by writing this post. Maybe penning down my thoughts will give me a better perspective on how things stand at the moment.
Just like everyone else, my life at the moment has two distinct parts - Personal and professional. So how is that so different you may ask. Well, the root of my problem is the fact that I belong to the female category of the homo sapien species. I am sure you are now questioning my sanity. Trust me, I have been doing so myself for the past few days. Women I know have a tendency to exaggerate and blow things out of proportion (no matter how much some might deny the fact) and I sure am no exception.
Let me start by giving some background. I was brought up by my parents as their son. All my boyfriends since childhood were therefore my brothers. I was happy and satisfied with my life until the day my parents suddenly realized that I was 24 EONS old and still unmarried!!! Worse yet, I had not even been able to find the love of my LIFE so far!!! I guess i always knew that marriage was an eventuality. To have to come to grips with the fact all of a sudden is a different matter all together. I was never a tom boy. Far from it in fact. I loved my dolls and cooking sets. I loved to play all those silly games that little girls usually do. But the thought of having a real husband and the associated responsibilities never entered my head. My parents pampered me so much for so long that i am now spoilt for choice.
I am scared at the very prospect of getting married and even more scared to say it out loud for fear of ridicule. I am scared that my future husband will crib about his life after marriage (like all men usually do). I am scared of being uprooted from the only life i have known so far and expected to accept/adapt in a new household. I am scared at the prospect of having scary in-laws.
I have a job that I love and would hate to give up. There are three different teams where i work and each team has one manager (let us say 1,2,3). Each of our managers is a GREAT guy. If I had to choose one among them, I would rather drown myself in self pity first. The team that i am in does a specialized function and i personally love it. Professionally there are the usual hiccups/disconnects/grievances etc, but i still love my job. However, the nature of my present job is such that I have to often put my personal life on hold. There are times when I get to speak to my father maybe once a week. But I am not unhappy.
Over the last few days, I have received a couple of proposals which kind of fizzled out due to the nature of my job. I guess men still do not like careerist wives. So after a lot of debate I decided to speak to manager 3 (he is the sweetest manager i have seen till date) and he as usual, was a gr8 help. Next I spoke to my present manager (2) (he is also the sweetest manager i have seen till date) and i am sure he was not very happy with what i had to say. Manager 1 (he is by far the sweetest manager i have seen till date) actually hired me thinking that i would perhaps work with manager 2 for quite some time. Manager 1 and 2 are not very happy with the sudden turn of events in my personal life but are sure willing to help.
While I realise that I shall have a perfect work life balance working under manager 3 and be happy at the same time, I also do not want to hurt manager 1 and 2.
What do I do?
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